Another Wonderful Day In the Neighborhood!

So, a bit of a strange story.. I was drivin with a friend the other day and we got side-swiped by the crazyman drivin a flash car, he gave us $2,000 cash for the damages, and the car's only worth $900, we were all fine, and super stoked, i also quit my job as an applepicker and me and my new girlfriend moved in together, meanwhile, i'm broke, she's pregnant and i'm flying HOME!!............. ...........April FOols!!, i couln't help myself, harmless fun right!!!, knock on wood (knock knock)

I hope you all are enjoying yourselves in whatever pursuits you are engaged in. Happy Easter for those who celebrate!, i plan on going on a Easter scavenge of my own this weekend.. I figured i'd give i bit of an update of the last two months here in new Zealand via a few excerpts from my daily journal:

12 March 2007
"Return to Balance"
Sitting on top of broken rocks, smiling at the soft sea breeze waiting..
for time to still, watching with open eyes at no surprise, patient, calm
surrendering to Dhamma Law, mind to nature
the fog casts hazy shadows of ignorance across valleys, boundaries, and planets,
a veil of missery plaguing existence, blocking out the light of happiness, love, and peace.
Silently, observing myself strapped in the shackles of history,
i sit on top mountains of pain and drink rivers of presence, reminding self of change.
Everything comes and goes as this veil will fade and disappear,
this body will grow old wither and die. The I remains as part of LIFE...

But what is Life? I ask myself and what am I? sitting on this weathered bench peering off
into the vastness of the ocean exploring through human consciousness.
I've been told about birth and death and may have experienced both a few thousand times before, see.. some say LIFE lies in between but few are sure where it start and stops.
But I'm not too keen on stories ending so I tend to choose ones without beginnings.
For Now and Then are times demands, but what is time but a bunch of Clocks?
I prefer to see things circular, complete and whole with no cracks to fill or
gaps to bridge with tools that don't fulfill the job.
So I ask, When will the building stop? so we can get on with this thing called living...
'Cause words can say a lot but often distract me from doing.
For what else are these bodies for, minds and spirits should need no words.
I yearn to enjoy every moment with no attachment to pain or pleasure,
all feelings should be worth experiencing equanimosly throughout the body.
No part should be left untouched by Mother's wind or Father's light, sun and air are other names, but names don't matter in this game called LIFE.
and it may be the shortest or longest thing I'll ever know,
but I'm determined to get the most out of my time on earth and in this body,
searching for health and balance, while enjoying the show.

Some describe this ride as a rollercoaster with highs and lows, sometimes completely upsidedown, I can agree from experience as it all remains exciting right?
However fast or slow, scary or fun everything seems to level out eventually,
and the neat part I've figured out is that we make our own ride of sorts.
Controlling the pace and size of bumps, attracting those things we need and want,
sometimes without even knowing or realizing what's been done,
may we all resume control of our own lives bringing ourselves back to earth feet first,
grounding ourselves in our environment choosing surroundings of loving friends,
deciding what we really want and pursuing it with all our being
whether it be happiness or sweet success, love or lust, let it be reflected in the seeds we sow,
and may all our simple acts of kindness and compassion be united
helping this place "return to balance"

14 March
I am 21 years old now, its been about two weeks and 10 days of meditation later, the habits of life remain although my mind tries to remain objective, observing actions, feelings and thoughts. This is supposed to be 'Operation Purification' and part of it is and part of it feels the same as it usually does, on the move adapting to new people, new vibes, and new routine or lack there of. I've made it to the rainbow gathering at last!! It's nice, not quite what I expected but "se la vi" (so is life). Its very rough and tumble out here, very little organization (rainbow style) capital, and sometimes motivation. But its a learning experience for sure. I'm trying to integrate what i've learned the last two weeks form Goenkji, Dhamma, and myself. It was such an amazing experience being at Vipassana, its exactly what I needed. A lot happened physically, mentally, and emotionally in those 10days. I pushed myself further than i probably ever have. The rewards were incredible too, finally getting used to waking up at 4:15am, sitting for 10-11 hours/day, and eating my last meal before noon, and controlling my cravings and fears! I think food is my biggest physical craving ,which I'm still having a hard time with here, and my own body and sexuality is probably my biggest fear. It presented itself yesterday when we all got naked and danced in the rain, i observed my feelings and they went, for the most part. What can i do but unconditionally love myself just the way I am? I think i could write for hours about Vipassana but not right now...

19 March
This morning is Beautiful, surrounded in good company enjoying the sun and open skies. I woke in the teepee, lying on the ground bare, covered in fur and blanket, it was a windy night chilly-cool, to rise up for a wee was quite the "mish" My dreams digested Sruti's wisdom and Dharma talks, conscious minds spread information like 'marmite' on toast. I am grateful to be here nourished by this mornings porridge, what a treat indeed, living in the woods, a temporary community without electricity...

29 March
This evening we went down the mountain in the caravan with a full load i must say, we went to this Tui community where a storyteller was telling stories. We arrived a little late but blended in with ears perked. He was a nice fellow looked as if he had ancestors from many places, he talked of the ancient Maori and native past, warriors and mothers, rivers, stone, and rays of the sun. It was very interesting especially understanding a bit of forgotten tongue that our ancestors used. >< At the Tui Tree House, i did a bit of monkeying around climbing from floor to ceiling and swinging from the rafters pausing to slip me feet into the magical clogs...

On the ride home i was listening to two guys discussing beliefs as if they were two pigeons fighting over crumbs. What's the point in arguing one's opinion without trying to learn. Creating tension between friends working for the same cause. We all want love and light in our lives but we are all searching and finding in way different ways and that's OK with me, just human variety right? A path for every personality, simple as that. And trying to be more right is just falling in a trap. Its living through the ego not from the heart. Oh well, everything will work out, or at least I hope it will, you may not and I don't care, let us just enjoy our time together and the peace we share...

5 April
I feel myself changing with the seasons, inspired by a full moon but trying not to be overwhelmed by my own imagination. Its important for me to be humble in these fragile times of revolution and oppression. I ask myself today, what am I running from? afraid of? What are my insecurities? Part of me is running from responsibility afraid to settle down or do any one thing for anytime at all. The idea of work scares me, if only i could lay in this sun all day supporting a lifestyle of dreaming. I'm sure I'll find what I need to find when the time is right I'll get a job and make some bank, then maybe wonder off to another place...